Everything Happens For A Reason

Your Game Is Over

2012-01-21T08:22:00.002+08:00

你的痛苦　我都心疼　想为你解决
挡开流言　紧握你手　想飞奔往前
我相信爱能证明一切　够真心会超越时间
多付出也多了喜悦　让幸福蔓延

总是学不会　再聪明一点
记得自我保护　必要时候讲些　善意谎言
总是学不会　真爱也有现实面
不是谁情愿　就能够解决

一次争吵　一个心结　累积着改变
内心疏远　足够秒杀　外表多浓烈
才发现爱不代表一切　再真心也会被阻绝
这世界天天有诡雷　随时会爆裂

还是学不会　少浪漫一点
拼命着想的事　未必带来感动　或被感谢
还是学不会　解释我最伤最累
痛死都不愿　怪谁

把每段痴情苦恋　在此刻排列面前
也感觉　不埋怨　只怀念

总是学不会　再聪明一点
记得自我保护　必要时候讲些　善意谎言
不是学不会　只是觉得爱太美
值得去沉醉　流泪

A Fake Disguise

2012-01-20T02:16:00.000+08:00

Not too long ago, this sunset was spotted just outside my current school, Duale Hochschule Baden-Württemberg. The sight of it lifted my spirits up simply, and I am damn thankful for that was just what I absolutely needed—a little bit of happiness.

I Can Be Manipulated Only So Many Times

2012-01-16T06:54:00.001+08:00

Right now the time is 11:47 PM in Germany and 6:47 AM in Singapore, and either way I am still not asleep yet despite there being lessons later because millions of thoughts are racing through my mind. They are utterly negative, and I detest how these stupid stuffs always have their ways against me. While everyone else are partying hard out there, enjoying the time of their lives, I am sitting behind an indigo laptop and absorbing in self-sympathy.

How Many Times Will The Clock Go Around

2012-01-16T06:38:00.000+08:00

Two midnights ago, Myeong Ae, my Korean roommate for one week now, combined a bottle of beer with some tiny pretzels for supper. The beverage was unpleasant, according to her, but since she offered me the snacks, I tasted and liked them quite a bit. And as a food photography explorer for close to one year now, of course the best part was capturing shots.

While these may not be the most brilliant photos, I am absolutely satisfied with them because lately, all the other food did not turn out pretty on my iPhone. In short, most were major disappointments.

Everything else aside, I had not been feeling too good recently. Like a little green-eyed monster, there were numerous factors which caused me to become extremely jealous at an almost insignificant someone or something. It makes me wonder why I am such a horrible person.

Please, for once, guide me through this whirlpool of shit—this is how weak and fragile I can be...

Free To Do It All My Way

2012-01-05T17:23:00.001+08:00

First baking session in year 2012—which was also my last before leaving for Germany this Sunday—was filled with ultimate Oreo cookies goodness. Elvina taught me how to prepare chocolatey cupcakes which tasted nothing lesser than wonderful.

Since Aik Peng was also around on Tuesday to help out in making pineapple tarts for Chinese New Year, I was fortunate enough to be able to sink my teeth into those delightful pastries.

And how is a trip to Elvina's ever complete without playing with Eevee? This time, she was lazier than usual—lying face flat (well, not exactly but almost) around the apartment a few feets away from us at infrequent moments when she realised that we are not sharing our food with her.

Check out the positions of her adorable little feet.

They Say That Time Heals Everything

2012-01-05T04:23:00.000+08:00

Before I turn in these recent nights (or early mornings, to be exact), I would read a couple of chapters of $#*! My Dad Says. Unlike Chelsea Handler, there is nothing 'ridiculously hilarious' about the book to me, or maybe I am simply a sucker for humorous contents like that.

But two days ago, I came across a rather memorable phrase from Sam Halpern between those pages which says 'At the end of the day, you have to make the best decision for yourself.'

For the past 18 going 19 years, I regarded New Year's resolutions with utmost skepticism—many people use that as an excuse to 'start their lives afresh', particularly believing that changes can only be made from that point in time onwards. But when consistency cut off midway, they decided to buck up only after a brand new year. Dumb.

After all these years of living without a goal though, maybe I should start composing checklists compromising of attainable tasks I wish to achieve. Because dreams will always triumph over reality once given the chance. And to be honest, my life thus far has been led worthlessly. This is not what I want to die with.

I do not want to die a nobody.

Another Hand To Touch

2011-12-30T03:53:00.000+08:00

When this farewell party was held on Monday to commemorate my leaving for Germany in nine days from now, it felt more like a friend gathering, if not celebration. Maybe back then it was far too early to feel the fear and loneliness that are overwhelming me currently as I am penning these thoughts down.

The occasion was awfully simple—I invited some people over (or Adeline, Aik Peng, Elaine, Elvina, Wei Quan and Yii Mei, to be exact) and we ~~wept about my four-month-long absence~~ satisfy our tummies over some delicious steamboat food.

We also played some card games, watched some movies, sang some songs, took some photos, exchanged some Christmas gifts, and talked some nonsenses that night.

Oh, anyway, I owe my parents big time for helping out so much in preparing dinner and basically ensuring that the farewell party would proceed smoothly. Mother's culinary skills were as usual too good to be true and Father did some final last minute grocery shopping on our behalf. :')

P.S. Although she would most probably not see this, and albeit I may have mentioned this no lesser than seven million times, I am so glad to have Adeline as one of my closest friends. She is always such a dear, and no better volcabulary could express how awesome she is! ♥

Be Her Friend

2011-12-29T02:21:00.000+08:00

终于找到借口　趁着醉意上心头　表达我所有感受
寂寞渐浓　沉默留在舞池角落
你说的太少或太多　都会让人更惶恐

谁任由谁放纵　谁会先让出自由　最后一定总是我
双脚悬空　在你冷酷热情间游走
被侵占所有　还要笑着接受

我嫉妒你的爱　气势如虹
像个人气高居不下的天后
你要的不是我　而是一种虚荣
有人疼　才显得多么出众

我陷入盲目狂恋　的宽容
成全了你万众宠爱的天后
若爱只剩诱惑　只剩彼此忍受
别再互相折磨　因为我们都有错

推开苍白的手　推开苍白的厮守　管你有多么失措
别再叫我　心软是最致命的脆弱
我明明都懂　却仍拼死效忠

如果有一天爱　不再迷惑
足够去看清所有是非对错
直到那个时候　你在我的心中
将不再被歌颂　把你当作天后　不会再是我

Your Woman, My Men

2011-12-20T16:44:00.002+08:00

你皮衣忘了带走
那是我们旅行的时候
淋着大雪　手暖手去买的

什么都总会旧的
多么苦涩无奈的心得
却没选择　体谅地相信你只是爱累了

绝不是有别的人替代我了
连自己都想问我为什么
只抱抱你就放手像好好的
其实心　瓦解斑驳

寂寞不痛　痛在念旧
越小的事越多的感受
时间像笨小偷把幸福打破
留下了碎片让人难过

寂寞不痛　痛在做梦
幻想当你自由腻了以后
会来激动吻我用爱悔过
做醒不来的梦

Now Or Never

2011-12-18T00:28:00.000+08:00

Marketing Services Centre may have concluded on Friday with no emotional moment, a mediocre sit-down party at a lecture hall in Nanyang Polytechnic, Daniel singing 《那些年》 not too professionally because he was busy cracking the crowd up out of nervousness (hence screwing the song up at some parts), and photo-taking sessions madness, but that did not render to having boring moments at home for three weeks, idling around like a couch potato while munching on junk food without a care and channelling between lame television programmes.

For the next couple of weeks, I would be spending quality time with the important people in my life because it sucks to miss them dearly only when I am in Germany for close to four months next year. Unfortunately, one of my aunts would not be around to send me off on 8 January 2012... :(

Anyway, moving on to a completely random note, there was a family gathering at my maternal grandmother's house yesterday. We had expensive food for dinner but some tasted only okay. As usual though, company for the night played a more significant role because I love my relatives like that.

From The Moment I Met You

2011-12-13T22:18:00.001+08:00

This morning, one of the Marketing Services Centre supervisors distributed some chocolate bars as farewell gifts; then it dawned on me that yet another separation is going to take place in three days' time...

不确定就别亲吻　感情很容易毁了一个人
一个人若不够狠　爱淡了不离不弃多残忍
你留下来的垃圾　我一天一天总会丢完的
我什至真心真意的祝福　永恒在你的身上先发生

你还是要幸福　你千万不要再招惹别人哭
所有错误从我这里落幕
别跟着我　铭心　刻骨

你还是要幸福　我才能确定我还得很清楚
确定自己再也不会占据　你的篇幅
明天　开始　这一切都结束

还我钥匙的备份　我觉得再见可以很单纯
我什至真心真意的祝福　永恒在你的身上先发生

你如果很幸福　半夜的简讯我就无需回覆
因为你的悲喜已经有了　容身之处
我也　能有　最纯粹的孤独

最孤独　的孤独

Swing Among Those Stars

2011-12-12T20:24:00.002+08:00

Do not know what is going on but my thoughts are all over the place right now.

Marketing Services Centre is concluding in four days for me.
Mother fed me ice cream not too long ago. ♥
Despite my very sore throat, I had two rounds of Lok Lok Dip today.
iPhone is looking hideous because after so many falls, no screen protectors would rid those air bubbles. :(
I want to write something in my buffalo diary but know not what.
Visa is finally ready for collection on 15 December 2011.

Into My Life

2011-12-12T01:33:00.001+08:00

Adeline met me up to do some Christmas shopping during the weekend, and instead of spending my money wisely, I bought a buffalo diary (for myself) because it was selling at a discounted price.

Fly Me To The Moon

2011-12-11T01:48:00.000+08:00

Hours before, a thought struck me—if for everytime when I feel down that something could cheer me up, maybe they would be lists of happy events that had occurred in my life. So here are 10 things worth elating over (in no chronological order whatsoever):

Yee Keat bought 20 candy canes for me this Christmas.
My family is gathering for a meal at Grandmother's next Saturday.
I will be travelling to Germany in less than one month's time.
Sister bought me a nail clipper (on knowing that I had been unsuccessfully hunting for one for the whole of yesterday).
For the first time in close to 19 years, I finally own a nail clipper which I can proclaim my very own.
People have had been reassuring that they will not forget me after almost four months of not residing in Singapore.
Christmas is coming!
Adeline, Aik Peng, Elaine, Elvina, Lennard, Wei Quan and Yii Mei will be coming over for dinner on 26 December 2011 (truth is I wish Eevee could join us too).
I saw and snapped a pretty commendable shot (if I may say so myself) of the lunar eclipse this week.

This is a cropped version of the original photo above.

I have the best sister in the whole wide world.

So Beautiful, So Painful

2011-12-10T00:10:00.001+08:00

我问为什么　那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么　不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我　不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想　挽回什么

想问为什么　我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么　却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着　把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕真相　太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的　是无话不说
我怀念的　是一起作梦
我怀念的　是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得　那年生日
也记得　那一首歌
记得那片星空　最紧的右手　最暖的胸口
谁记得　谁忘了

我怀念的　是无言感动
我怀念的　是绝对炽热
我怀念的　是你很激动
求我原谅抱得我都痛

我记得　你在背后
也记得　我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌　最美的烟火　最长的相拥

谁爱得　太自由
谁过头　太远了
谁要走　我的心
谁忘了　那就是承诺

谁自顾　自地走
谁忘了　看着我
谁让爱　变沉重
谁忘了　要给你温柔

我还有想要爱你的冲动

我放手　我让座　假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得
太爱了　所以我　没有哭
没有说

Throw Your Hands Up

2011-12-09T19:29:00.001+08:00

You know a friend is worth keeping when you randomly tweet about wanting 20 candy canes for Christmas without giving it much thought and, a few days later, someone comes up and pass you exactly what you had wished for. Although she may not see this, but I would like to thank Yee Keat all the same for making my yesterday so simply. ♥

The wonders did not end there—not too long afterwards, an event that took place in MSC Studio allowed me to bring home one huge balloon sculpture that day!

Meet Paul, my new short-term pet Octopus whom I foresee will deflate in a few days from now. :(
Jarrod, on the other hand, requested the balloon artist to sculpture his face because it would be a huge pity and injustification to not make something out of that handsome appearance (as described by himself). But unfortunately for him, Ms Poo said to not be difficult so he eventually received a tiny flower in the end. :P

Screwed Up Mess

2011-12-05T00:19:00.001+08:00

In preparation for my Overseas Student Exchange Programme trip next year, Yii Mei accompanied me to town during the weekend for some winter clothing shopping. Patrick, a senior of mine whom is currently having the time of his life in Germany, mentioned that the weather would be pretty harsh when Wan Lin and I travel over. Since he cannot define the severity, the emphasis placed on this point was strong when looking for my items.

Before shopping, I had listed out tons of requirements my footwear-to-be must have:

Cheap, say $50.
The soles need to have good grips.
Gorgeous boots (like the ones at Tumblr) are completely to die for.

But eventually I settled for an all-black boots from Pull & Bear (that is neither cheap nor gorgeous, and does not have a good grip as well) because Yii Mei suggested that matching my outfits would be easier this way. Countless failed searches that resulted in extreme dejection at that point in time were also reasons enough to pounce onto any passing acceptable deals.

And for the first time in 18 years, my spending was controlled and restricted by a budget (of $150)! Yii Mei made me do so, and I really have her to thank, for if not I would most probably be purchasing blindly once again.

So some other buys of the day included a knitted cardigan and leggings from UNIQLO, and three scarves from H&M. :)

What Makes You Beautiful

2011-11-30T22:15:00.000+08:00

These recent days assembled a blissful 18-year-old; first the entitlement to sleep in until 10:30 AM because I only need to reach school an hour after noon and second waking up to a delicious home-cooked meal by Mother.

In addition, the jolly month is less than two hours away! Other than a huge hooray, there are no better methods to describe my delight over the facts that:

my Marketing Services Centre days are numbered and
the next big thing that would be taking place in my life is travelling all the way to Germany with just oh-so-sweet Wan Lin, residing in a hostel for three and a half months, and enjoying myself to the fullest.

'Tis The Season To Be Jolly

2011-11-28T21:55:00.000+08:00

Christmas is coming in less than a month's time and I am utterly thrilled! For me, there was no reason to be this eager over yet another festival in the past. We never had a tree at home decorated with gorgeous ornaments, Santa Claus certainly did not fill my tiny socks up with presents, not once have I eaten a whole turkey for dinner, there is no way Singapore will snow and needless to say, a fireplace existed only in my dream.

But this time is different—nothing can quite explain my joy enough. Could it be because Christmas will be the last occasion for me to gather with family and friends before I depart for Germany next year? Or maybe I can now snack on ten candy canes a day without feeling as odd?